The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
