Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
