this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize