okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
