My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
