I hate your face
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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