I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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