i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
