glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
