Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize