i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
