Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
They left me at home... I'm a liability
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
