just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
