i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize