Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
