I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
