Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
