Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
