How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
