i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
