My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
