sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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