I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
