We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
