just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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