Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
