Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize