dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
