Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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