remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
