I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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