He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
