hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
