remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize