Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
