...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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