is your mom at the bar?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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