his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
