Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And then he peed in my hair
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