i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just want to make out with him forever
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
