he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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