booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
