hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
