what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
