you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
