I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
