I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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