The maid of honor just puked.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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