sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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