so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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