Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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