Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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