I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
