I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I am spending my child support on dildos
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Randomize
