Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
if only i could text you this smell
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize