sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
