Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
