I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
