mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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