The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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