$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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