Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
