you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
