If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
