Pappa wants mamma naked
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
