dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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