Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
