I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There's always time for handjobs
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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