im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
