She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize