I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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