He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
