you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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