I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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