My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
