I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
