So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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