I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
