That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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