Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
