I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
