I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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