I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
