I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
