I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize