Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I AM VODKA MAN
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
