we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
