dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
