I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
