I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How does one acquire holy water?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
