i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
