Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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