She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
